


Being alone is a nowhere state of mind

by PrimalScream



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Modern AU, little bit of Daddy kink, little bit of spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 23:43:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13775127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimalScream/pseuds/PrimalScream
Summary: “You’re not bad in bed, you’ve just been with the wrong people.”





	Being alone is a nowhere state of mind

**Author's Note:**

> The working title of this was AssVirgin!Flint, so you know....
> 
> John is a chef, James is...not, but he wants to learn to cook
> 
> This is for the lovely, wonderful, overworked @thewalruscaptain I lourve you and everything you've done for me. 
> 
> Rachel said to me one day, you know what I want, a fic where James is inexperienced. So I set out to make it happen. Hopefully it meets her needs.

James stands at the seafood counter, his stomach intensely interested in the fresh fish on display. If his recently failed relationship had taught him anything, it was that his culinary skills were sorely lacking. He considers calling Rebecca, his most recent ex, and asking her how to replicate the swordfish she’d made for him months ago, but the memory of her slamming his front door and rattling all the pictures on the wall changes his mind. Just as he’s about to turn away and head toward the frozen section, a stack of flyers on top of the counter catches his eye.

The store logo and name are splashed across the top, an array of finished dishes displayed in the corners, bold text through the middle. It’s an advertisement for cooking seminars sponsored by the store, and held in their test kitchen. Participants only need to make a twenty five dollar donation, per seminar, to Meals on Wheels in order to attend. Everything needed will be supplied by the store. Not a bad trade off, James thinks, and a worthy cause to boot. He folds the flyer and tucks it into his pants pocket.

Two days later as he’s checking his pants before loading the washing machine he finds the flyer. He takes a closer look and sees that the seminars will be hosted by the head chef from Grace. James is impressed. Grace is only one of two, three Michelin star restaurants in Chicago. James puts the flyer on the fridge with a magnet. He figures he has nothing else to do on Sunday nights, he might as well learn how to feed himself properly.

James shows up early to the first seminar. He makes his donation at the front desk and then he makes his way back to the kitchen. He picks a station in the back and off to the side in an attempt to keep from drawing attention to his less than stellar skills. A few seconds later a man walks through the door, head tilted as he holds a phone between his shoulder and ear, both hands occupied with near to overflowing tote bags.

“Aren’t you the comedian. I don’t need help finding dates thank you very much.” The man says rather huffily. James can just make out the tinny laughter of a woman on the other end. He’s wearing a white chef’s coat hanging open over a plain white t shirt, blue and white checkered pants, and the ugliest shoes James has ever seen in his entire life. He decides that if being a chef requires that kind of footwear, he’ll take his lack of skills any day.

The man sets half a dozen large cloth bags onto the counter at the front of the room and then turns around. He startles when he spots James, “Max. Max, I have to go. I’ll call you later.” He doesn’t wait for a reply as he thumbs off his phone. He smiles at James and approaches him with an extended hand.

“John Silver.”

James takes his hand and notices how neatly manicured his nails are. “James Flint.” A few seconds later he realizes he’s still holding John’s hand and smiling. He drops it quickly. “I’m a little early, sorry about that.”

John gives him an odd look before shaking his head, “Nothing wrong with punctuality.” He nods to the front of the room, “Sure you don’t want a better spot?” John asks as he smiles widely at James.

James thinks John has the straightest teeth he’s ever seen, all even and white and perfectly proportionate. James wonders if it would be strange to ask for John’s dentist’s name, he must do one hell of a thorough cleaning. “No, I think people will be much safer if I’m back here.”

John shrugs with a half smile saying, “Come on up, I’ll let you pick your supplies first.”

James follows John to the front where John spends the next few minutes laying out ingredients in piles. He tells James what each one is and how much of each he should take. There’s millet, zucchini, onions, olive oil, butter, salt, pepper, and serrano ham. James carefully selects his ingredients and heads back to his station to wait. John begins prepping his own station and James can’t help but notice the confidence with with John bustles around the small space.

There’s something inherently comforting in the way that John doesn’t hesitate to select a pan or a knife. The few times James has tried his hand in the kitchen at home, he’d always been confused as to which pots or pans he should use and which knife was the right shape and length.

With a last look at the clock John buttons his coat and then pulls his hair back into a messy bun on the top of his head. Normally James thinks they look ridiculous on men, but on John it seems to work. It highlights his bone structure and shows off a strong jaw.

At ten till the hour people start filtering in and filling up the stations. John waits until five after to begin. He tells everyone who he is, and his reputation causes a murmur to go through the room. John then lets everyone come up and get their ingredients. The woman next to James sniffs at him when she sees he already has his ingredients, “Teacher’s pet.”

James huffs out a startled laugh as his stomach flutters slightly. He puts his hand on his belly and wonders if he has any antacids in the car. The burrito he’d had for lunch must not be agreeing with him.

Once everyone is settled back at their stations John begins going over each ingredient. When he gets to the Millet, a collective chuckle goes through the room..

“I feed that to my birds.” Says a woman in the front row. James barely refrains from rolling his eyes.

“Ever wonder why birds live so long?” Is John’s quick reply.

James feels himself smile, he always has liked a bit of sarcasm. John spends the first ten minutes showing them how to handle a knife and how to properly dice vegetables. Once John turns them loose on the zucchini and onion, he begins walking the room, making adjustments here and there, praising and admonishing gently in equal measure. All the suggestions that James hears John make are sensible, easy to follow and show that he’s paying attention to each individual and tailoring said instructions to them. It’s an impressive skill.

When John stops next to him, he reaches over and pats James’s knuckles, “Curl your fingers a bit more, yes just like that.” James feels pride curl inside his chest at getting it right. Warmth spreads through him at the thought that he’s not so useless in the kitchen after all. John makes learning to cook seem fun and enjoyable as opposed to a task that he needs to learn to survive.

James appreciates that John doesn’t talk over their heads, but also doesn’t make it seem as if he’s dumbing it down too far. By the end of the class James has a new found passion for cooking. He thinks that with an instructor as genuine as John, even he can learn how to cook meals that don’t involve the microwave.

***

The next three classes are just as interesting. James again shows up early, and each week he moves a little closer to the front. By the time it’s stir fry night, he’s in the second row right in the center with a perfect view of John’s work station.

He can’t take his eyes off of John as he shows off some of his knife skills slicing a variety of vegetables in quick succession and with a bit of flair. He’s so quick and deft, his hands flying around the counter with the knife in a way that makes James’s heart accelerate just watching him, a sure sign of the excitement that comes from seeing an expert at his craft. James feels a single drop of sweat roll down his spine as John makes the final quick cuts with a flourish. James barely refrains from clapping. He presses his lips together to suppress the wide smile trying to break free. When John catches his eye, he winks at James and all his effort had been for naught, James feels his face crack into a huge grin at John’s acknowledgement.

Later as John passes by his station to inspect his knife work, John lets his hand slide along James’s lower back. James shivers and thinks they need to the turn the AC up as goosebumps break out over his arms. John gives him a crooked half smile and James’s knife slips, but thanks to John’s tutorial on how to correctly chop a vegetable, he doesn’t cut himself. John squeezes his shoulder and says quietly, “Careful, James.”

James redoubles his effort to concentrate but he can’t help following John around the the room with his eyes and ears.

When it’s time to begin the cooking, everyone oooh’s and ahhhh’s as John manages to get the flame to flash over the top of his pan, he turns to the class with a wicked smile, “Don’t try this at home, kiddies.”

Everyone titters and by the end of class they’re oh’ing and ah’ing about their own dishes. Three days later James tries it again on his own, this time with different ingredients in his own kitchen. It turns out nearly perfect and James thinks that the cooking seminars are the best idea he’s ever had.

 

* * *

 

John stares at the produce, his mind wandering, thinking about what he wants to prepare at his next seminar and decidedly not thinking about gorgeous, pale, freckled forearms, green eyes, and an ass to die for. He wonders if James likes okra. Probably not, most normal people don’t. With a sigh he wanders over two aisles and down to the third stall.

Jack stands at the back of the stall, the door standing side open with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a clipboard in his hand.

“Hey, Jack, I need to order five dozen scallops for next Sunday’s class.”

“Ohhh, moving on to delicate seafood, the pupils must be getting better. I take it no one has tried to burn down the kitchen this time around?”

“Not yet.” John smiles at him. John has been coming to Rackham’s fishery for more than five years. Jack always has the best looking fish at the market and his prices are more than fair. Plus he doesn’t give John shit for taking the teaching gig.

Most people at the market think John is lowering himself and the status of Grace by teaching regular people how to cook. But the way John sees it, someone had to teach him and look where he ended up. He feels like cooking is a basic life skill and people should know how to feed themselves. There’s too much packaged shit in the world, too many artificial ingredients and if John can change just one person’s thinking when it comes to fresh ingredients, he’s served his purpose.

After finishing with Jack he moves an aisle over and walks slowly down through the floral stalls. He wonders what James’s favorite flower is. John snorts at himself. He barely knows the man and he’s acting like a lovesick puppy. But he can’t help thinking about the attention James pays to him, the way his eyes follow John around the room, the way his cheeks go slightly pink whenever John praises him.

John stops at a stand that has buckets of peonies. He picks through them and plucks a bunch out of the middle that have just started to bloom. Once home he puts them into a vase and stares at them. He realizes that he managed to pick a hybrid bunch that almost exactly matches the copper of James’s beard and mustache.

He lets his mind wander as he preps his own dinner. James is gorgeous, and John can’t stop thinking about him. John wonders if his infatuation with James is just another symptom of his long imposed celibacy. Maybe he should try dating again, or at the very least getting laid again. Maybe he should take Max up on her offer to set him up with her cousin. John has seen the cousin, he’s not hard on the eyes. He texts Max, tells her yes.

Three days later John goes out with the cousin. He’s big and beefy, blue eyed and actually kind of sweet, but they have zero in common and, well, his eyes are the wrong color and his arms are too tan. At the end of the date, John says thanks but no thanks and waits for Max to read him the riot act. She doesn’t even let John say hello before she’s railing at him.

“There’s nothing wrong with my cousin. He’s a nice guy.”

“I know. I know,” John placates her, “I’m not interested, I’m sorry.”

“Everyone is interested in Billy, John. He walks down the street and people literally shove their phone number in his pocket.”

“Max, I know. He’s very attractive, I just...I’m just not interested.” John sighs. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“Wait, have you met someone?” John doesn’t like the tone of her voice.

“No.” John pauses, knowing that if he says it out loud to someone else there is no going back. “Maybe. There’s a guy in my cooking seminar, he’s been there every week. I think he might be flirting with me.”

“You’ve got a crush.” Max sings songs at him.

“Fuck off. You make me sound like I’m thirteen.”

Max laughs at him before asking, “What’s his name.”

“James.” John doesn’t miss the way he practically sighs it. “He’s gorgeous.”

“How old is he?”

“Mid forties I think.”

“No wonder you’re not interested in Billy. Someone has a daddy kink.”

“Oh, fuck you, I do not.” He can’t help but laugh because well, she might not be wrong. They spend another few minutes on the phone before he begs off. He needs to finalize the menu for his next class.

Sunday when John gets to the kitchen he sees that James has moved up another row, this time he’s front and center and John feels his pulse speed up. James no longer waits for an invitation from John to pick through his ingredients, it’s an unspoken rule that James can have first choice.

“What’s on the menu today, chef.” James asks as he starts digging in the bags.

It probably shouldn’t make John’s blood run hot to hear James address him as chef, but he can’t really help it. “Seared scallops and lemon orzo.”

James helps him empty all the bags and lay the ingredients out on the counter. John watches him pick through the individual bags of scallops that John had portioned out this morning. John doesn't know what James is looking for, but it gives John the chance to watch him unobtrusively. He’s completely taken with the way James’s eyelashes create shadows on his cheeks as he looks down, the freckles across his nose stand out more prominently today than normal and John wonders if James spent yesterday in the sun.

When James picks a bag, he turns to John and holds them up. John inspects them and says, “Perfect.” He doesn’t miss the slight pink tinge to the tops of James’s ears.

They spend the entire class passing looks back and forth. John can’t help himself. James is right in front of him, the heat from the cook top making James’s cheeks pink and there are a few drops of sweat dotting James’s temples. John thinks he’s absolutely stunning. Every time James looks up and John is watching him, James just smiles at him, wide, bright and open and it takes everything John has not to sigh out loud like a sixteen year old with a crush.

John had started the night wondering if James was interested and after everything that’s passed between them during this class, he can’t help but think the answer is yes. John takes his pan of scallops and with a flick his wrist, sends them airborne to land right back into the pan on their other side without missing a beat. He hears James’s sharp intake of breath. When he looks over James is watching him, his eyes darker than normal. When John winks at him, James bites his bottom lip and looks back to his own pan, where he turns his own scallops one by one with the tongs.

Once the class is over, John notices that someone had left their station without cleaning up. John makes his way over and starts filling the sink with water. He wets the sponge and gets to work. When John looks up, he sees James approaching him. “Do people do this often? Just leave without cleaning up their station?”

John nods, “More often than you’d think. I don’t mind. I enjoy doing dishes. It’s where I started and it's soothing in a way.” James leans against the counter and John tries to keep his eyes off the open V of James’s shirt. The man has pecs that go on for days, covered in golden hair that John wants to tug with his teeth.

James starts wiping down the counter next to John before turning to him and asking, “Where did you get your start?”

John smiles at the memory of his first job. “Greasy diner over on Michigan. I was barely fifteen, trying to help my mom out with the rent. The guy who owned the place took pity on me. I weighed all of about ninety five pounds soaking wet with a head of stringy hair. I didn’t own a single piece of clothing that didn’t have a hole in it somewhere.”

John laughs as he shakes his head and thinks about Marty looking him up and down and rolling his eyes at the tiny five foot nothing kid he’d been. James is smiling at him, crinkles by his eyes and John clenches his fingers around the sponge in his hand to keep from reaching for him.

“He let me wash dishes off the books until I was sixteen and legal. I worked my up to lead cook eventually, and when he died he left the place to me. His own kids didn’t want it, and I had taken to it like a duck to water. I started culinary school shortly thereafter and here I am. So yeah, washing dishes gives me time to think, takes me back to a simpler time. Besides it’s better than letting my mind wander while chopping vegetables, could lose a finger that way.”

James shakes his head at him, “Not possible. You said if we chopped correctly we’d never be in danger.” John doesn’t miss the teasing tone. John dries his hands on his pants and shows James’s his knuckles. Nearly every finger from the base of his nail to his second knuckle is covered with thin scarring.

“Haven’t lost a finger but I’ve skinned myself more times than I can count.”

James looks closely, and then steps into John’s space. His hand comes up to hold John’s as he inspects the healed over scars. His thumb brushes back and forth several times over the marks making John shiver. When John looks up James is close. His eyes drop to James’s mouth. Whether it's on purpose or accident John will never know, but James’s tongue snakes out and slides slowly along his bottom lip leaving it wet and shining and John is only so strong. They’ve been flirting for weeks and this is all the permission John needs.

John leans in and seals his mouth over James’s. James’s mouth opens on a gasp and John doesn’t hesitate. He slips his tongue past James’s bottom teeth and tangles them together. James tastes like Thyme and red wine. John licks over the inside of James’s mouth, his hands fisting in James’s hair as he deepens the kiss. James groans into his mouth and John brings their bodies flush. Suddenly James is pushing him away.

“I’m not...I don’t...I…” James breaks off, turns around and practically runs from the room without looking back.

John slumps back against the counter, his hands shaking as he picks up the sponge again. John doesn’t know what went wrong. He’d been reading the signs for weeks. James was interested in him, he knew it. He knows what it looks like when someone wants him, and tonight, the gentle way James had touched him, the way he’d looked at John just before John had kissed him told John that James indeed wanted him. John knew he wasn’t wrong, but he doesn’t understand what just happened either.

John finishes cleaning up and then packs his bags to go.

The next week John doesn’t expect to see James at the seminar. At five minutes to the hour, James comes through the door in a rush and takes the last station on the right. He won’t meet John’s eyes. John is just thankful he showed up. He tries to catch James’s gaze when he comes up to get his supplies but James keeps his lashes lowered. John goes through the motion of showing them how to make Pasta Carbonara but his heart isn’t in it and the class notices. Everyone is subdued.

When the class is over John cleans his station expecting James to be gone when he turns around but James is lingering at the back of the room, very thoroughly drying the pans he used. John approaches carefully. James has to know John is coming but he doesn’t look up until the very last second. John is prepared for anger, disappointment maybe, but not contrition, but John doesn’t let him it keep him from apologizing, “I’m sorry, I read the situation wrong, I thought--” John starts but James cuts him off.

“I’ve never been with a man. I didn’t know it was possible. I mean I know it’s possible, I don’t live under a rock, but I didn’t know it was possible _for me_. I’m sorry I ran out of here like a coward when you kissed me because I...I really liked it.”

James manages to get it all out in one breath and John is impressed. James immediately drops his eyes again, his cheeks red, his hands twisting together in front of him. John feels himself smile. He manages to contain the glee he feels as the last few words register. He steps closer and ducks down to meet James’s eyes. James finally looks up again with a small smile.

“James, will you have dinner with me?”

James’s face breaks into a smile so wide that John is momentarily blinded by how incredibly gorgeous James is.

“Like a date?” John nods and James agrees.

John puts James’s number into his phone before walking him out to his car. They stand around outside for a good half an hour with shuffling feet and shy smiles, neither of them wanting to say goodbye. John manages to keep his lips to himself, at least for now.

***

At Friday night’s dinner service John’s sous chef’s make it clear he’s not needed. They’ve spent the last month listening to John moon over James and once they’d heard he had an actual date they’d taken over his menu. John only stays an hour before he’s heading home to shower and change.

John chews half a pack of gum on his way to James’s house, spitting each piece out after only a few minutes. When he finally pulls into James’s driveway he looks in the mirror and smooths his hair down. He blows out a few breaths and then goes to the door.

James answers the door in a pair of charcoal gray slacks, and a dark blue cable knit sweater that looks soft to the touch. When he turns around to lead John into the house John chokes on a breath. The pants stretch tight over James’s perfectly rounded ass. John doesn’t manage to drag his eyes up in time and when James turns around suddenly his cheeks go pink when he realizes where John had been looking.

John drives them out of the city into Oak Brook to a tiny twelve table Italian restaurant owned by a Sicilian couple whose parents had immigrated to the US in the 30s. They still make all their pasta, sauces and bread from scratch every morning. John’s been coming here since he was 25.

He orders the Sicilian orange salad and the Scaccia Raguana to start. When Rosemary comes out of the kitchen to greet him, she realizes immediately that he’s on a date and she doesn’t stay long but she gives John a thumbs up behind James’s back.

“You come here a lot?” James asks.

“A few times a month.” James nods and John rushes on, “But I’ve never brought anyone here, not like this.” They look at one another across the table, both of them with pink cheeks before their waiter brings out a bottle of wine compliments of Rosemary.

Halfway through their starters James asks, “What made you decided to do the seminars.”

“I hate processed food. I hate that people get most of their food these days from some sort of package. Fuck all knows what’s in it.”

“Guilty.” James holds his hand up, a half smile on his face.

“I...I didn’t mean for that to sound quite so venomous. I love being a chef, I love to cook and I don’t understand people who don’t.” John laughs at himself, he hadn’t meant to insult James and the truth is, if people want to eat garbage that’s their prerogative.

James waves off his apology, “From the time I was 18 and Joined the Navy everything I've eaten was out of some sort of pouch. The mess halls try, but they still get most of their food out of cans and boxes.”

“Are you still in?” John asks around a mouth full of bread.

“No, retired seven years ago. I got tired of the fucking desert.”

“How many times were you deployed?” John plants his elbow on the table, his chin in his hand as he listens to James talk. He loves the animated way James talks about his fellow servicemen and the bonds they’d formed. He barely holds in a sigh when James pushes his sleeve all the way up to his shoulder to reveal an absolutely gorgeous nautical star on his bicep.

“What do you do now?”

“Private security consultant.”

John orders the Cassata for dessert and he waits until James takes the first bite before digging into his own. James’s eyes flutter closed and he moans around the fork in his mouth and John nearly bites his own tongue at the look of bliss that flits across James’s face. By the time Rosemary brings out the heavily discounted check, they’ve been there three hours. James starts to reach for it but John beats him to it, “I asked, I pay. That’s how it works.”

James smiles at him, his hands settling back into his lap. John holds the door for him and once again the pretty pink tinge that John is growing addicted to settles at the top of James’s ears. They walk down the sidewalk, shoulders brushing, in a companionable silence. They pile into John’s car and he drives the half hour back to James’s house. When they pull up in the driveway, John shuts the car off and they get out so John can walk James to the door. It all feels a little like his prom night with Jamie Carter. John hopes it ends differently.

John leans against the railing of James’s porch, his hands in his pockets, “I had a really good time.”

James smiles at him and moves a little closer, “Me too. Thank you for dinner.”

“I’d like to see you again.” John straightens up reaching for James’s hand. He plays with James’s fingers before lacing them together and swinging them between their bodies. James takes another step closer.

“I’d like that too.” James says softly, he ducks his head, another blush spreading along his cheeks.

John pulls him closer until there’s only inches between them, he lowers his voice, his eyes seeking James’s, “May I kiss you?”

“Please.” James’s answer is breathless, barely above a whisper. John slides his hand into the hair at the back of James’s neck, goes up on his toes and presses their lips together. He feels James move closer, feels his hands fist in John’s shirt just above his hips as his mouth opens on a soft, shaky exhale.

John kisses him slowly, softly, their mouths brushing together, the barest hint of his tongue at the corner of James’s mouth, the tip of his tongue stroking over the bow of James’s top lip before he takes it into his mouth followed by a gentle scrape of his teeth.

James shivers and John plies his bottom lip the same way. James inches closer until they’re touching, until John can feel the tremors running through James’s body. John deepens the kiss, his tongue touching James’s. James moans into the kiss, his arms going around John’s waist to pull him closer. And just like that the kiss turns hungry. James’s tongue invades and John lets him, he lets James lead and he follows. He clutches at James’s head as James’s slants their mouths together. The angle perfect for the deep, wet kisses that John loves. He chases James’s tongue, plays over his teeth. James’s breath is panting out through his nose across John’s cheek, he pushes closer, their bodies aligning. James whines in the back of his throat as John tightens his hand in James’s hair.

When John finally pulls back they’re both out of breath. John slides his thumbs along James’s cheeks and presses their foreheads together. “Thank you for the date, and the kiss.”

They say goodnight shortly after. John is already planning their second date before he’s even fully backed out of James’s drive way

 

* * *

 

James tries to sleep after his date with John to no avail. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. James has been on hundreds of first dates, many of which never led to a second, but in the thirty some odd years he’s been dating, no one has ever made him feel like this.

When John had kissed him unexpectedly last week, James had been shocked and confused. He hadn’t pushed John away immediately, instead he’d actually kissed back. When he got home he’d realized he was half hard, had been the entire drive home and it had sparked mild panic. But just like everything else James has ever done he’d sat down and written out his feelings. James is now and always has been incredibly methodical. He’d tried to remember every feeling that had flowed through him from the very second John had touched him until he’d ran out like a scared child. He’d gone back to their very first meeting and replayed every interaction they’d had over in his mind until he’d realized that what he’d felt for John hadn’t been simple admiration for a skill but attraction from the very beginning.

It had rocked James to the core. He’d only ever dated women, he’d never been interested in a man or at least he didn’t think he had been. He’d served twenty years in the military, he’d been surrounded by men day and night and none of them garnered the reaction John had. He’d never looked at any of them with desire.

He’d gone to bed that evening with a to do list for the morning and more questions than answers. The next morning he’d hit the internet finding half a dozen websites with men telling stories that sounded eerily similar to his own. All of them figuring out late in life that they were attracted to men, much more so than they’d ever been to women.

Later in the evening he’d found a few amateur porn sites and a few professional ones. By the time he’d skimmed half a dozen videos he’d been hard and leaking, his heart racing, the blood pounding in his ears. He’d picked a random video and jerked off quickly, his cock aching for release. He’d come over his fist in record time, eyes glued to the man on the screen as he was fucked mercilessly, thoroughly enjoying every second of it until he too was coming over his stomach.

Three days and countless videos and websites later James had gone to his first sex shop. He picked up several bottles of lube, a slim vibrator that he thinks might have actually been designed for a woman, and a thick silicone cock that made James’s cheeks clench together just thinking about taking it. But he can’t deny that he’d been as excited as he’d been terrified.

He'd picked another video from the professional site, and as he’d watched the man on the screen being prepped and then fucked all he’d been able to think about was how skilled John was with his hands. He recalled John’s neatly manicured nails, the thickness of his fingers, he’d closed his eyes and imaged John between his legs, his hands all over James’s body, his fingers reaching deep inside as he'd fucked the toy in and out. He’d come hard enough to shoot far past his shoulder, drops hitting the headboard behind him.

By the time Sunday had rolled around again James had resolved that he needed to apologize to John. That he needed to explain and maybe they could start over. He’d been relieved and surprised when John had asked him for a date.

Now as he lies in bed thinking about their date and the way John had kissed him James feels excitement course through him. His stomach flutters and his heart races remembering the feel of John’s mouth on his. His lips had been soft and seeking, kissing James expertly, making James hungry for more. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from pressing closer to John. He’s terrified and exhilarated all at once. It takes him hours to get to sleep, but when it finally comes, there’s a smile on his face.

**

John texts him early the next day. _Are you free Monday?_

_I am. What did you have in mind?_

_You’ll just have to wait and see. ;) I’ll pick you up at 1. Dress down, way down._

James wears his oldest jeans and a concert t shirt from when he was twenty that has holes in the shoulders, topped by a old bomber jacket with paint stains. When John picks him up, he’s in a beat up pick up truck with half a dozen empty five gallon pails in the back. John laughs at the look he gets.

“Should I call my friends and make sure they know I’m with you?”

John just laughs at him. They leave the city behind, driving for over an hour past farms that James had no idea existed. They chat effortlessly about everything from the last White Sox game to music and books and poets and John's surprise at James's seemingly tame reaction to figuring out he likes men.

"I've always been a fairly rational person, I don't generally let emotions overrule my common sense." James pauses, looks at John bashfully, "I made a list."

John barks out a laugh, "What, like pros and cons?"

James shrugs, "Sort of. But it helps me think through the particulars of any given situation. The liking men part wasn't what was giving me trouble, it was my own oblivion I had a hard time getting past."

"It happens quite a bit, not figuring it out until later." John looks over with a smile.

"I realized that after doing some research."

John eventually turns down a dirt path that James wouldn’t have even seen before coming to a stop outside a large red barn that’s been there a hundred years if it’s been there a day. James turns confused eyes to John.

“My dairy and pig farm. Or rather, my half of a dairy and pig farm.” John says as he shrugs. James doesn’t know what to say exactly he’s never seen a farm up close much less been on one. “I know this isn’t exactly date material, but I’m always out here on Monday’s, and I just wanted to see you again as soon as possible but since I’m running dinner service most nights, I thought, why not.”

John is rambling and James thinks it’s adorable. He reaches over and takes John’s hand, “You’ve already surpassed any of my previous dates for originality. I’ve never actually set foot on a farm. I'm incredibly curious.”

John smiles at him, relief evident in his face. John pulls him forward, their lips meeting softly. James sighs and leans into the kiss, his stomach flipping over with excitement. James wonders if he’ll ever get used to finally being attracted to someone at this level. It’s not that he wasn’t attracted to the women he’d dated, it just wasn't like _this_. He’d never lost himself in a kiss before. With John he loses track of time, of his surroundings, he wants to do nothing but spend eternity right here being kissed by John. They’re startled apart by what James thinks is an air raid siren. There’s a red headed man dressed in overalls with a beard that nearly reaches his chest laughing at them.

“He’s such an asshole sometimes.” John murmurs.

They get out of the truck and the man in the overalls slaps John on the back before holding his hand out to James, “Israel Hands.” Before James can put his hand out Israel pulls his hand back, “Wait, where’s that been lately.”

John rolls his eyes as Israel slaps his knee in laughter before turning to John, “Charmaine is about to give birth if you want to watch.”

James blanches before he realizes that Israel must be talking about livestock and not an actual human. They walk the short distance to the barn and in the last stall is a very pregnant cow lying down on her side breathing hard.

“How long has she been labor?”

“Few hours, I saw her wonder in here around ten and came to check.”

John looks at his watch, “She’s still got hours left then.” He turns to James, “Come on, I’ll show you around.”

They traipse back and forth over the property, John pointing out the pig pens, and the chicken coops. James takes it all in with wide eyes. By the time they make it back to the barn to check on Charmaine, Israel is kneeling on the ground wearing a pair of gloves that go all the way to his shoulders. John grabs the extra pair and settles next to Israel. James barely manages to suppress a grimace as John reaches inside the prone cow.

John smiles at the man next to him, “He’s in a good position. Should be any time now.” Looking to James he nods to the ground, “Have a seat, should be about half an hour.”

John and Israel pull their hands back and wipe themselves off. They talk about delivery schedules for milk, and the sides of pork that Israel is going to put up for curing. The cow’s breathing gets harder and James can just make out sub vocal sounds. John and Israel both put their gloves back on. John’s reaches inside before pulling his arm back out and smiling, “Almost there.”

The cow brays and James see two hooves start to slowly emerge. John and Israel sit at the ready. James can see the way Charmaine’s stomach contracts as she pushes. Several times the hooves almost disappear back inside. After fifteen minutes or so of Charmaine pushing and the hooves getting no further out into the open, John takes both hooves and begins to gently tug as Israel reaches inside to help stretch Charmaine and guide the calf out. James looks on in amazement as the head pops out followed quickly by the body and with one last smooth tug, the back hooves are out and the calf is lying in the hay. Charmaine is breathing hard, her eyes closed as John breaks the last of the placenta surrounding the calf. They rub the calf down with hay and Israel clears his nostrils with a long piece until the calf starts moving it’s head away from the intrusion. The calf lifts its head and looks straight at James, it’s big brown eyes wide and blinking.

“You want to pet him?” John motions James to come closer.

James reaches out and rubs his fingers over the calf’s nose. It’s as soft as velvet, his eyes close as his head lolls around, still not strong enough just yet to hold it up for long, “That was the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.” James can hear the reverence in his own voice. The birth of living things has always fascinated James.

“I bawled like a baby the first time I was here for one.” John chuckles.

Israel goes to get clean towels and after a quick wipe down with warm water and then a vigorous drying, they leave Charmaine and her calf to get acquainted. They head into Israel's house for a drink. He serves them iced teas out of Mason jars. And not the novelty ones you buy in the store, the real ones he’s used for canning. Eventually John leads James back outside to the coops.

“I come out every Monday, collect eggs for the restaurant for the week.” John reaches under squawking chickens, getting pecked every once in a while even as he coos at the nesting birds.They stay for about four hours total, James learning more about farm life in one afternoon than he had so far in his forty five years. They check on Charmaine one last time and are happy to see her nursing the now standing calf. James misses the sappy smile John gives him as he takes a picture of mom and baby.

Back in the truck and on their way back to James’s house, James can’t help but gush, “That was unbelievable. She just...and then there he was.” James sighs. This is without a doubt one of the best dates he’s ever been on.

They get back to James’s house and spend what feels like an eternity in the cab of John’s truck trading, wet kisses that threaten James’s sanity. He wants desperately to ask John in, but he’s well enough aware of the fact that if he does, there’s a good chance they’ll up in bed and James isn’t ready for that just yet. John leaves him with a promise to call him later.

Several hours later James gets a text from John. It’s a picture that Israel must have taken, James is petting the calf’s nose, his face a mask of adoration as he looks at the newborn. James saves the picture and thanks John profusely.

***

They go on six more dates, and at the end of each one John walks him to his door and spends what feels like to James, hours saying good night. John kisses him so thoroughly that James is dazed by the time he makes his way in. Dazed and hard and desperate to jerk off to the remembered feel of John’s body against him. John doesn't push and James is more than thankful, but he’s becoming impatient with himself and he decides that it’s time to invite John in and what happens, happens.

They’ve just returned from Feast Chicago where John had done three demos and James had sat in the crowd and watched with pride as John had made dish after dish wow'ing the audience. James is leaning against the rail of his porch, John between his legs, his hands in James’s hair twisting James’s head as he sucks down James’s throat. John makes him feel so good. Better than anyone before. Finally James doesn’t feel like he’s lacking, or that he’s a disappointment. His body finally lights up with arousal, instead of being lukewarm.

“No one has ever made me feel this way.” James murmurs.

John pulls back, his palms flat to the sides of James’s neck, his thumbs stroking through James’s beard, “What way?”

“Like a million butterflies are trying to escape from my stomach.”

John smiles at him before leaning in for another mind melting kiss. James can’t remember a time when simple kissing had ever turned him on this much. John’s hands haven’t strayed beyond his shoulders and James is already weak kneed.

“Do you want to come in?”

John’s eyes glitter in the dark, his lips are shining, wet from their combined spit, swollen from the kissing. James wants him desperately, but he’s absolutely terrified.

John licks his lips before answering, “More than you could possibly imagine, but I think it would be a bad idea.” John presses his hips against James and James can feel him, hard and hot against his hip. A soft whimper works it way out of James’s throat as his own hips jut forward against John, “We could just sit on the couch. Talk.”

John huffs out a laugh but nods, “Kick me out if push too hard. I know this is new for you.”

James smiles at him and hooks his finger into one of John’s belt loop, pulling him through the door and then to the couch. All of James’s good intention for more conversation fly out the window as soon as they’re both seated on the couch. John is beautiful in the low light, his hair falling around his shoulders, his cheeks tinted with the heat of arousal, his lips red and swollen and it doesn’t take long before he’s pulling John into a kiss.

Minutes later James is falling backward, pulling John over him, their mouths meeting and releasing in one long, wet kiss after another. John’s body comes to rest over his, their cocks brush together and it’s like James is suddenly electrified. He moans low in his throat his head going back as John rocks down against him. John’s mouth trails down his neck, his teeth nipping gently at his skin. He licks under James’s ear, another moan, a shift of his own hips, pushing up, John’s breathless voice in his ear, “You feel so good, James.”

John shivers, his teeth sinking into James’s shoulder as he ruts down with his hips. His sharp, hitching rhythm has James pressing closer, his breath panting out, his heart racing, his blood turning to molten lava. Without warning John pulls back, his head hanging between his shoulders as he struggles to breath, his chest heaving. When he looks at James his eyes are hot, his bottom lip turning white where it’s clamped between John’s teeth. James knows that look, he rubs his thumb over John’s bottom lip, “We could go to the bedroom.”

Slowly, John releases a breath, “Only if you’re sure.”

James nods. He’s not sure in the slightest but he wants John so much, wants to feel him and see him and touch him, wants taste him. John gets up and has to adjust himself and James feels a small amount of pride at the effect he’s had on John. They kick off their shoes in the living room and then make their way across James’s house. Every step James takes makes his nerves jangle and his stomach clench. To mask what he’s feeling he whips his shirt over his head as soon as they’re in his bedroom. John approaches him, his eyes traveling over James’s body, desire written clearly in their depths. John’s hands glide down his bare arms, goosebumps popping up in his wake. John’s mouth moves across his neck, his tongue licking at the thick vein. “You’re shaking,” John notices.

“I’m sorry.” James croaks out. His mouth is dry and his throat feels like it’s going to close up any second. James doesn’t want to ruin this. He’s waited so long to want someone this way, to have them light him up with a single touch and right now his fear is eclipsing his arousal.

“Hey, it’s alright.” John cups his face with his hands, his eyes searching James’s face, “I’ve got an idea, why don’t we just lie down and slow down for a bit?”

James nods, and swallows thickly. John hands James his shirt back before taking James’s hand and leading him to the bed. John climbs in and lies on his side facing James. He pats the bed next to him. James mirrors his position. John’s thumb rubs his cheekbone as he says, “You know I don’t have any expectations, right? We only do what you want. I’m just happy to be here with you, however you want to be here.”

James nods before leaning forward and brushing his lips against John’s. James kisses him softly, once, twice, and then his tongue sweeps out to lick along John’s bottom lip. John deepens the kiss and James feels himself shiver. Time slows down and his stomach gets heavy as it flips over. It feels like he’s encased in syrup and his arms won’t move. All he wants to do is lay back and let John kiss him forever. It feels so good, pleasure zinging through him. James scoots closer and John’s hand tunnels into his hair, nails gently scratching his scalp. His hand rubs against James’s neck and James hums into the kiss, his nerves starting to settle. Reaching out he tugs on John, brings him closer. James falls to his back, brings John with him. John hovers over him, his body still held above James’s own. James pulls John down, their bodies connecting once again and James moans because _God, yes_ , he loves the way John feels against him. James’s nerves fly to the winds as he wraps his arms around John’s shoulders. He presses up with his hips and Johns moans into his mouth, his own hips grinding down, sliding, rocking. James’s spreads his legs and John falls between his thighs. John’s mouth slides down his chin, across his throat, his teeth dragging a hot trail along his neck.

His tongue is wet and slick where it licks at his pulse point, up behind his ear. James turns his head, gets his own mouth against John’s neck, sucks a bruise into the side. John moans, hips hitching, his hands squeezing on James’s hips. John ruts against him, their cocks brushing through the fabric and James doesn’t think he’s ever been this hard before. He meets John movement for movement, his eyes closed as stars burst behind them.

“James. James look at me. If you need me to stop we need to do it now.” John’s voice is thready.

James gasps, his eyes flying open as John’s cock rubs against his again and again. He can’t imagine stopping. It feels too good. He shakes his head, wets his lips, “Don’t stop, please, don’t stop.”

John moans and the sound goes straight to James’s gut, makes it flutter with the thought that he’s making John feel as good as John's making him feel. The idea that John wants him is heady. He pulls John down into another kiss, his hips lifting up into John’s body. All his reservations forgotten in the heat of John’s body against his. He’s never wanted something so much. He’s never been this hard and desperate to come. If John stops he may very well cry. John bites his bottom lip, pulls it with his teeth before burying his nose under James’s ear, “I’m so fucking hard for you. Do you feel that, what you do to me?”

John ruts down and _yes, yes_ , he feels it, he loves it, wants more of it. John’s hand goes to the back of his left knee, he lifts up, opens James’s body even more and fucks down with sharp, hard thrusts. James’s head goes back at the hot feel of friction on his cock. He meets John’s rhythm, both of them panting shallowly, he didn’t know it could be this hot and frantic. His whole body feels like it’s on fire. His stomach twists and his lower back starts to tingle, his balls feel so full and heavy where they’re pulled close to his body. His skin feels tight and hot and itchy, his whole body restless, reaching for a point in the distance. He can’t stay still, his hands rubbing over John’s back, up and down squeezing John’s shoulders, and then down to his ass, pulling John into him harder.

“John, I’m...oh. Oh my God, John.” He comes in his pants, vision whiting out, breath frozen in his throat. His body shaking so hard, John has to hold onto the headboard to keep from getting thrown off. His hips are bucking, rubbing, his body convulsing. He feels like he’s been shot, heat spreading through him, pinpricks of pleasure spiking all over his body.

John’s hips slow to a stop as James starts to whimper with over sensitivity. John sits up and back and James can see how hard he is, see the thick line of John’s cock tenting his pants. His hands are curled into fists where they rest on his thighs. His breathing heavy, his eyes closed. James realizes he’s trying to pull himself back from the edge. James reaches out, his fingers rubbing over John’s cock, not knowing why John stopped.

His hips jerk and his eyes slam open, his fingers going around James’s wrist to pull his hand away. James’s eyes meet his, John licks his lips, swallows twice, “Don’t.” His voice is broken and ragged, his breath short and choppy.

James breaks free and pushes John backward. He climbs over him and sits softly over John’s trapped cock, his ass grinding down. He watches as John’s eyes roll back in his head, his mouth opening on a low moan. James pushes down harder and rocks his hips back and forth.

“Oh jesus, fuck.” John’s hips push up hard, his cock rubbing against James’s ass. James feels exhilarated, pride and arousal sluicing through him at John’s reaction to him. “Why did you stop?”

John’s hands rub over his thighs, up around his hips, holding him, “I didn’t want scare you.”

“Do I feel scared?” James doesn’t know where the courage is coming from but he loves what it’s doing to John. John’s breath is stuttering, his eyes heavy lidded and hungry as they watch James on top of him. James leans in, licks across John’s throat the way John had done to him. John shakes his head, his eyes drifting closed as James’s rocks down again and again.

His fingers go to the buttons on John's shirt. John’s hands once again wrap around his wrists, “Let me, please.” John’s eyes search his face and seconds later John releases him. James releases each button slowly, his hands shaking enough that he has try some of the buttons twice before getting it through the hole. Once they’re all undone, he gently lays it open. His stomach swoops at the sight of John’s smooth, tan skin. James runs the tip of his fingers down the center of John’s chest and John shivers, a soft exhale the only sound he makes. He rubs his fingers over John’s stomach and it quivers under his hand. His nipples are dark and distended, when James runs his thumb over one, John gasps softly and it hardens further, puckering into a tight little bud.

James doesn’t know what possesses him but he leans in and licks across it. John’s hips stutter under him, and his breath stops briefly before he says, “Again.” James does, this time with a firmer stroke and without any prompting he takes the nub between his teeth and bites gently. John moans, his eyes fluttering closed, his hands are fisted in the blankets, his knuckles white as he tugs at the bedding. James sits up and sweeps his hands over John’s chest and stomach as he grinds down with his hips.

John’s head presses back, his mouth open and panting as he tears at the sheet, James plucks at John’s left nipple, pulling it into a stiff peak.. “Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

“Fucking you. God, James, I want you to ride my cock just like this.” He grits out before biting down on his bottom lip.

James sucks in a sharp breath, his physical reaction is immediate. Goosebumps break out all over as his stomach flutters. His cock twitches at the words, at John’s desperate tone. The very idea of John inside him sends a ripple of pleasure up his spine. James rolls his hips, his body sliding back and forth over John’s trapped cock, “Like this?”

John lifts his head taking James in. His eyes are glassy, nearly black. John looks almost feverish, his cheeks ruddy, sweat at his temples. James thinks he’s so beautiful, so incredibly sexy as he says, “Yes, fuck yes, just like this.”

James moves faster and John’s head flops back to the bed, his own hips pushing up, moving in counter to James, “Touch me, show me.”

John’s hands latch onto his hips and he guides James in a fast rhythm, pushing and pulling and tiny little circles as John moans and undulates under him. The seam of James’s jeans is riding in the crack of his ass and he thinks about John’s fingers there. Heat sizzles through him and he pushes down hard against John, tries to feel the girth of John’s cock in that same spot. He shivers at the rough drag of material on sensitive skin. His pants pull tight across his groin and that’s when he realizes he’s hard again. He aches like he hasn’t already come.

John plants his feets, his hips pushing up fast and hard, his fingers tightening on James's hips. James watches his face closely, sees his eyes squeeze shut, brows drawing down, mouth open and panting. He feels John start to shake under him. His whole body rolling like an earthquake. His breath starts to hitch, his stomach going concave as he pants. James is mesmerized by him, he brushes his thumbs over John’s nipples and John shouts, body bowing as he comes off the bed to hold James around the waist his hips still hitching up as he bites into James’s collarbone, his breath hot even through James’s t-shirt.

James wraps his arms around John’s quaking shoulders, his fingers combing through the hair at the back of his neck as John breathes hotly against him for long minutes before James feels him relaxing. Suddenly John’s hand cups him through his pants and James sucks in a sharp breath.

“Hmmm, is that for me?” John tips him backward and James can feel his face heating as John hovers over him, “Will you let me taste you?” John nuzzles under his ear, his tongue sliding down James’s neck. John sucks at his jugular and it goes straight to his cock, he pulses in his pants, smearing through the already sticky contents of his briefs. John sits up and then gets to his knees on the floor, tugging James to follow him.

James has to swallow several times to combat the dryness of his mouth at the sight of John kneeling before him. He pulls James into a standing position, his hands hovering at the button of James’s jeans, “May I?”

James can only nod, his mouth hanging open, frozen in place. John undoes the button, pulls down the zipper and then he’s sliding James’s pants to his ankles. A rush of cold air hits James’s overheated skin making him shiver. His briefs are a mess, his cock dotted with drying come. John licks over the tip of him and James’s knees wobble, his hands going to John’s shoulders to hold himself steady.

John runs the tip of his finger down the center of James’s shaft, “So pretty. You have a gorgeous cock.” James doesn’t know how there’s any blood left in his body to turn his cheeks pink, but he knows for certain they are. John doesn’t give him any warning, he just engulfs James’s cock in one long slide.

“Oh my fucking god.” His voice is breathless and high, his legs shaking, fingers digging into John’s shoulders. John’s mouth is hot and wet and sucking as he pulls up. James sees a million constellations behind his eyelids. He’s been sucked off before, but _fucking christ_ it’s never felt like this. John bobs his head slowly, like he’s savoring the taste of James on his tongue, his nails rake lightly up the the back of James’s thighs and James feels a full body shudder roll through him. James knows this is going to be embarrassingly quick.

John pulls back and replaces his mouth with his hand, he sits back on his heels, the smile on his face absolutely filthy as he says, “Come on me.”

James groans, his hips shooting forward as his cock twitches and does exactly what John says. He curls forward, his body shivering through his orgasm, his breath hitching. He crumples into John’s arms, his head buried in John’s neck as he tries to catch his breath.

“So god damn hot.” John whispers into his hair. James can’t help but laugh nearly hysterically.

***

James’s phone rings for the fifth time today, John’s name flashing across the screen. He paces through the house on lap number four hundred and seventy two. John has been calling for two days straight and James has been avoiding him for two days straight. Every time James closes his eyes he sees John on his knees, feels the phantom heat of John’s mouth. It makes him hard every single time. He’s jerked off so many times already to the image of John’s face covered in his come that James is surprised he isn’t chaffed.

But along with the arousal comes doubt and self deprecation. Their night together had been unimaginable but in the cold light of day, James feels like a fool. John had called him hot, and maybe right now, that’s how John sees him. But John is ten years younger that him and built like an Adonis. Right now, James is novel, something new, someone new. How long until John gets bored, until someone younger, someone more fit, someone not on the wrong side of 40, come along to snag his attention. Couple that with James's self doubt and inexperience and he's got a cocktail of fear and shame.

The last several months with John have been the most amazing months of his life. What happens when John tires of him? Or when John finally figures out that James just isn't very good at this. James is already too emotionally involved, to say nothing of the amazing sexual awakening that John has started inside of him. James has never felt so satisfied. Before, sex had always left him on edge and twitchy, and now he knows why. His orgasms while good, hadn’t turned him inside out. They had never shattered his vision or taken his senses, the very ground underneath him had never shaken before. James knows that he can never go back.

The very real fear that he's going to disappoint John and cause him to move on is what keeps him from answering his phone. Eventually it goes silent and James orders take out. He sits in front of his television pushing food around in a plastic container as he thinks about the fact that his phone has been silent for hours now for the first time in days. He is in equal measures terrified and relieved.

Two days go by and James begins to mope. He has no one to blame but himself. He’d been the one ignoring John’s calls and texts. He skipped John’s latest seminar to sit around in flannel pajama pants and watch a Tiny House Nation marathon. He hasn’t left the house except to get the mail and he’s starting to be able to smell himself.

With a sigh he heaves himself up and carries himself to the shower. He washes everything twice just for good measure. Just as he’s wrapping a towel around his waist he hears someone beating on his door. He debates answering it until he hears John’s voice.

“James, I know you’re in there. Your car is in the fucking driveway. I deserve a goddamn explanation.”

James hurries through the house, water dripping down his neck from his hair, his shoulders and legs still dotted with moisture. When he swings the door open John’s mouth snaps closed as his eyes take James in from head to toe. James can’t help the thrill he gets as he sees John’s eyes go dark before snapping back up to his face, “Don’t try to distract me with….” John doesn’t finish, just waves his hands in James’s general directions. He pushes past James and into the house.

James closes the door with a deep breath. He turns around and leans back against the door as he faces John.

“You’re avoiding me.”

James opens his mouth to deny it but John arches an eyebrow at him and James changes tactics “I’m sorry.”

“Have I done something?” John sounds wounded and James hates it.

“No, it’s not you.”

John slouches, “Then what?”

James's hands tighten around the material of his towel, “I don’t know how to explain it.”

John stares at him for long minutes before running a hand through his hair, “Alright, here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to the store to pick something up for dinner, and then we’re going to find a movie and settle down with some wine and we’re going to figure out a way for you to explain it.”

James can feel a half smile tilting his lips and he nods at John. John advances on him one slow step at a time, his eyes tracing James’s mostly naked form. When he gets close enough he leans in and licks a water droplet off of James’s shoulder, his tongue winding its way down through James’s chest hair. James can’t stop the breathy sigh at the feel of John’s mouth on his skin.

“And for fucks sake get dressed while I’m gone or _you’re_ going to be dinner.” John kisses him hard and thorough before leaving.

James spends the next hour picking up and wondering if he should change his sheets. He debates for twenty minutes and finally decides yes, which is where John finds him when he comes back. James looks up to see him leaning against the door frame, with a wicked smile on his face. James feels his ears get hot as he tucks the last corner in. John crooks his finger and James cross to him.

John pulls him in with one hand on his hip and one around the back of James’s neck, fingers spreading through his hair. John brings his head down and presses a soft kiss against James’s lips. The kiss is brief and chaste and just what James needed to settle his nerves. John rubs his fingers over James’s side, “If I didn’t have a hundred fifty dollars of veal sitting on your counter I’d do my damnedest to undo all your hard work.”

James shivers at the sultry tone of John’s voice and the promise held within. John turns and tugs James with him back to the kitchen. James sits at his kitchen island, with his chin in his hand as John prepares dinner. He tells James he’s making roasted veal chops with porcini risotto and seared brussel sprouts. James's stomach rumbles at the thought of it.

By the time it’s ready to serve, James is so turned on he has to go to the bathroom and splash cold water on his face. Watching John maneuver around his kitchen, expertly preparing a meal for him was one of the sexiest things he’s ever witnessed. It hits him suddenly that it’s what he’d felt at John’s first seminar. He’d put the heat that had overtaken him down to the cook top he’d been standing over.

His first bite makes him want to pick John up and rush him to the bedroom. James hadn’t had the heart to tell John that he hated brussel sprouts, but the way John had prepared them had been nothing like the way his mother had. They were tender on the inside with a crispy outer layer and loaded with flavor.

“Most people only ever boil or steam them. It's why everyone hates them. With the right flavor combination, some olive oil and little butter, they’ll become your favorite veg.” John smiles at him across the table and tilts his wine glass at James.

James cleans up while John trawls through the movie channels looking for a movie. By the time James makes it into the living room, all the lights are off and there’s only the blue glow of the television. James gets a good look at the title on the screen.

“The Princess Bride?”

John just shrugs, “It’s got a little bit of everything, action, adventure, love, comedy, tragedy. You can’t go wrong.”

John hits play and pulls his legs up onto the couch as he leans into James’s side. For half an hour they’re engrossed in the movie. Or at least James is until John’s hand lands on his thigh. He’s rubbing back and forth, his fingers inching closer to James’s cock with every second. James desperately wants to push his hips into John’s hand. He wants John to touch him there so badly. He wants a repeat of last week. He wants to go further, he wants more, he wants John inside him. John leans in, turns James’s head towards him. His mouth hovers over James’s, his breath ghosting over James’s chin, his eyes glittering as he watches James’s face. James moans and presses forward sealing their lips together. John kisses him deeply, his tongue invading, probing.

James moans into his mouth, it’s only been four days but James has missed the taste of him. He curls his hand around John’s bicep and before he realizes it he’s leaning back and pulling John’s body over his. He spreads his legs, one going off the side of the couch to make room for John’s body. James feels his nerve endings start to sizzle at the first contact. He is so in love with the way John feels against him, the way John makes _him_ feel. He loves the hard planes of his body, the soft tickle of his hair. John’s mouth slides down his neck, and James loses his breath, he shivers, pressing closer to John, wanting to feel all of him.

John’s hand cups him through his pants and James realizes how hard he is. He rubs himself against John’s palm, his breath hitching. He feels like he’s floating, a haze of need curling around him the longer John touches him. He shivers again, his body arching against John’s as John sucks at his neck. He turns his head, gasping, he feels lightheaded, his body leaden like he hasn’t eaten in days and can barely move. He feels John’s lips moving against his neck and he strains to hear him.

“So good, so fucking hot the way you respond to me.” His hand moves down, his fingers pressing against James’s covered hole. James pushes into his hand, as his mouth drops open on a strangled moan, John presses harder, “Yeah, gonna let me in here aren’t you, baby.”

Fear slams into him from out of nowhere, on a wave of coldness his arousal washes away. He starts pushing at John’s shoulder. John instantly sits up, “James?”

James gets up and practically runs to the kitchen. John finds him seconds later, an apology already on his lips but James shakes him off, his arms wrapped around himself. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. Just today he’d thought of little else but having John inside him and now, faced with the prospect he runs off like a frightened child.

“James, please, talk to me. I’m sorry, I’m pushing, sometimes I lose myself. I’ll be more careful.”

“Stop. It's not you. I…” James trails off. He doesn’t know how to say everything he’s feeling. He doesn’t know how to tell John that for all the sex he’s had, it’s always only been so-so. He doesn’t know how to tell John he’s bad in bed. James wonders how to explain that the terror he feels isn’t because of the act itself, but because he’s afraid of being left again, but this time by someone he can’t bare to lose.

John shakes his head, his hand covering James’s where it’s gripping his bicep. He takes James’s hand in his and twines their fingers together, “Wait, just, let’s go back, finish the movie, we’ll talk about it, okay?”

James nods once and they go back to the couch, James cradled between John’s thighs, his back leaning against John’s chest. John laces their fingers together and waits a beat before saying, “It’s dark, I can’t see you, can you tell me now?”

James takes a deep breath, “When you touch me I feel out of control. Like I can’t breathe and I’m drowning. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and at forty five it’s fucking terrifying.”

“James if you want to go back to before all this, before last week, it’s alright. I just need you tell me so I can back off, so I stop pushing for something you don’t really want.”

James turns around quickly. He’s on his knees, facing John as he shakes his head, “No, don’t do that. Don’t show me this, what I could have, and then take it from me.”

John pulls him forward into a chaste kiss. “Hey, no, that’s not what I meant. I...well the truth is, I’m all in. This isn’t just fun for me. I’m in this for you. Sex or no sex, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

James leans into him, settles down so that his head is against John’s chest, the sound of his heart directly under James’s ear. The steady thump of it settling James’s nerves for the first time all night.

“The way you made me feel last week, the feel of your...your mouth on me, it was like nothing I’d ever felt before. I swear I can still feel it.” James feels himself shiver at the thought of John’s tongue on the underside of his cock. He hears John’s heartbeat speed up, feels the subtle increase in John’s breathing.

James can’t help but smile. John had been on his knees, James’s cock in his mouth as he’d given James the best blow job he’d had in his entire life. The feelings left behind had scared James into avoiding contact for almost a week. And finally today when John had shown up he’d been stilted and tense, making John think that James doesn’t want him. John couldn't be farther from the truth. It’s not that James doesn’t want him enough, it's that James wants him _too_ much.

John’s hands stroke his back and shoulders. James doesn’t know what’s holding him back. He can feel the truth of John’s words in his touch. He doesn’t even need the words, the reverent and gentle way John touches him says everything James needs to know. No one has ever shown him the kind of patience and care and pleasure that John has.

“I’ve never, I mean I’m not...very good in bed.” The words cause a flush to James’s cheeks and he’s thankful it’s dark.

John full on laughs under him. “Where the fuck did you get that idea? Wait, is that what this is about, you think you’re bad in bed?” Silence settles around them. John shifts forcing James to sit up and face him. “I’m going to tell you something about myself that isn’t one of my best qualities. I'm fairly shallow and if you really weren’t any good, I wouldn't still be here.” John winces as he says it. “You’re not bad in bed, you’ve just been with the wrong people.”

James opens his mouth but snaps it shut immediately. He’d never honestly thought of it that way. He’d just assumed that his lack of interest in sex and the mediocre sex he’d managed to have was just the way it was. He thinks about the way John had made him feel and the way John had sounded when they’d been together last week and James realizes he’s an idiot.

He gets up on his knees and pushes John backward, his mouth hovering over John’s for long seconds before he smashes their lips together. John moans under him, his hands coming up to James’s head. He gentles the kiss, pulls back to watch James’s face before sealing their lips together again.

James knows this is it, this is what he’d been missing. He lets John push him over onto his back, his mouth sliding down James’s neck, his lips leaving a trail of fire across his throat. John settles in the V of James’s legs and James is shocked to realize he’s already hard. It’s so easy with John, so good. John nips at his chin, scrapes his teeth through James’s beard and James hums, his hands going to John’s hair, releasing the tie so that he can feel it. He loves the way it falls down over them, creating a cocoon around them.

John’s hips press down and James gasps at the feel of John’s cock against his. His hands slide into the back pockets of John’s jeans and he pulls John down as he presses up. John moans, his tongue pressing hotly to the side of James’s neck as he licks behind James’s ear. James pushes into the touch, his stomach flipping over. He wants to lay here forever, the weight of John’s body pressing into him, the scent of John surrounding him. He feels like he’s in a daze, protected in a bubble of slow rolling arousal that makes him tingle. James hands slide under John’s shirt, his fingers skating up John’s back. He feels the muscle ripple under his touch, hears the soft sound of pleasure that John presses into his mouth as he shivers at the scrape of James’s nails. John lifts himself up, “Tell me what you want.”

John’s hand run up under the front of his shirt, his thumbs rubbing over James’s nipples. James hisses, back arching into the touch, “Before, what you said.” James trails off. He feels his cheeks go pink.

John smiles at him wolfishly, his hand sliding down over James’s cock, his fingers reaching back, pressing against James’s hole, “You want me here?” John purrs in his ears, his teeth nipping at his earlobe.

James presses up, his body shivering, “Yes, please, yes.”

John stands quickly, holds his hand out to James. James takes his hand and leads John to his bedroom. The nerves he’d managed to push aside come back full force as they cross the threshold of his bedroom. John sheds his shoes and socks and hops onto James’s bed, he pats the space next to him as he watches James.

James lies next to him but he’s still shaking, his teeth starting to chatter. John reaches for him, his thumb brushing along the side of James’s neck, “Hey, we do as little or as much as you want, okay?” James can only nod, his throat tight.

John leans in and presses their lips together in a soft kiss. James sighs into it, his body finally starting to settle. John leans into him, his hand behind James’s head. He pulls James’s body over his. He presses forward, putting John on his back. James lies half on, half off of John’s body, one of his legs situated between John’s. He can feel the hard press of John’s cock against his thigh and he shifts, presses down. John’s breath stutters, his mouth pulling away from James’s, his head pressing back into the pillow.

James is never going to get used to how sexy John is, everything about him is striking. James gets to his knees and works John’s shirt over his head. His skin is tan, so smooth that James can’t help but press his mouth over John’s stomach. It quivers under his tongue as he licks into John’s belly button.

John pushes him back, reaches for the bottom of James’s shirt and tugs it over his head. He pushes James over onto his back and hovers over James’s body. He leans in to lick a stripe down James’s chest, his tongue swirling in the hair covering James’s pecs. John trails his fingers over James’s biceps, across his stomach, James sucks in a breath, his muscles quivering under the gentle touch, “I wanted you from the first second I saw you.” John’s mouth covers his in a soft, syrupy kiss, his tongue gliding along James’s bottom lip before pulling back, “Every minute I spend with you only makes me want you more.”

John covers him then, his body coming to rest over James’s, his mouth devouring, one hot, deep kiss after another stealing James’s thoughts, taking his very breath. John somehow manages to get them both naked, James trembling under him but not from nerves, from pure unadulterated need.

John takes his cock down slowly, one inch at a time so that James can feel every hot lick of John’s tongue until John’s breath is stirring the hair at the base of James’s cock, his mouth wet and sucking as he glides back up. He looks up at James, his hand disappearing between James’s legs, his finger brushes over James’s hole and James’s whole body starts. He does it again and this time James moans, his legs splaying. John hums around him and gets to his knees between James’s legs, he pulls off James’s cock with a slick sound.

“Have you ever played? Your fingers or toys?”

James bites his lip but then opens the bottom drawer of his dresser. Inside is a shoe box. John reaches for it, removes the lid and then a smile splits his face. “Well, well, well. We’ll save these for later.”

John leans over and swallows him whole once more with no warning whatsoever. James’s body convulses curling over John’s head as he moans. John takes his time, sucking slowly, his tongue twisting over the head, tickling down the shaft. His fingers trail gently over James’s bare sac and James jumps. John lets his cock drop back to James’s stomach and then he’s sucking James’s balls into his mouth.

James sucks in a sharp breath as John’s tongue slides over them. James imagines it’s a lot like what silk would feel like. Goosebumps break out over his arms and legs, his hips lift into John’s touch. When John lets them go he expects John to go back to his cock, instead he moves further down and James’s brows furrow, “What are--” John swipes his tongue over James’s hole and James nearly comes off the bed. John does it again and James’s whole body pulses. His cock swells and starts to leak where it lays on his stomach.

“Oh my fucking god.” His body flashes hot as John’s tongue pushes at his hole, the muscles of his ass spasms, he feels himself flutter open, John’s tongue presses inside and James nearly screams. He starts to pant, his body moving closer to John for more touch. John is relentless. His tongue pushing and probing, licking and sucking at James’s rim. James’s hips are rolling back on their own trying to get more, he tries to spread his legs further as John pushes deeper. John’s tongue is slick and agile, sliding in and out. He pushes in as deep as he can go and James’s hand slides into John’s hair to hold his head steady as he fucks himself on John’s tongue. John wraps his arms under James’s legs and pulls James further down the bed, his mouth sealed tight around James’s hole, his tongue slick and hot where it probes at James’s body.

James can’t stop shaking, it feels so fucking good. John hums and the vibration of it travels all the way up James’s spine and into his brain. His legs come up around John’s head, his whole body shudders hard, once, twice and then he’s coming over his stomach in hot bursts, his fingers twisted in John's hair as his back bows, mouth opening on a wordless scream. He falls back to the bed boneless and panting. Disbelief courses through him, he’s never, not once in his entire life come without touch to his cock. James feels like his whole world has been flipped upside down. Everything he’d thought he’d known about his body and sex has effectively been dumped by the wayside.

John rises up and licks across his stomach cleaning up the mess James made of himself, soft little kitten licks over his chest and stomach, little noises of satisfaction filtering up to James. James lifts his head and looks down his body at John. The smirk John points in James’s direction shouldn’t be nearly as enticing as it is.

John sits up between James’s spread legs, his fingers tracing James’s spent cock. “You’re amazing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” He presses a kiss to James’s cheek, “Bathroom?”

James just points, too in awe of John to form words just yet. When John gets back he once again lies next to James, his breath smelling distinctly of mint, “So this little box of toys,” He trails off as he picks up the bottle of lube, “Will you let me play?”

Anticipation curls down his spine as he nods. John moves back between his legs and slicks two fingers. He pets over James’s hole. He’s so fucking sensitive he can’t help but jerk as soon John touches him. John strokes over him softly, petting him before twisting the tip of one finger inside. James moans at the intrusion, his legs shifting further apart. John slides his finger home with little resistance. John’s eyes never leave his face as he adds another finger. James closes his eyes, lets himself get lost in the feeling of John’s hands on him. He feels John’s hair dragging along his stomach as he leans in to lick over James’s nipples. James hums, his hips rocking down to meet John’s hand.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous. You don’t even know it do you?” James’s eyes snap open and John is looking at him with so much want and heat that it makes James’s cock twitch. John digs around in the box and comes out with the slim vibrator that always makes James come too fast.

John slicks the toy and gently pulls his fingers free. He slides it slowly into James and James groans at the hard feel of it, can’t help but clench down on it as John settles it deep. John presses the button and James moans. _God_ , he fucking loves this. John fucks it in and out several times before pushing the button again so the speed goes up. He rotates with a slow, steady rhythm. James groans, his hips pushing back for more.

“Good?” John’s other hands rubs along his thigh, his fingers soft where they comb through the light colored hair. James can only nod, his breath stolen by the pleasure coursing through him. John pushes the button again and it goes up to the final speed. James gasps, his body shifting, pushing, fingers fisting in the sheets as he twists his head. John changes the angle, rubs right against _that_ spot, the one James can never reach very well. John rides over it with every thrust until finally he holds the tip right up against it and James shouts. His whole body starting to shake as he gasps for air.

John works the toy relentlessly, pushing in hard, only to pull it all the way out and then lightly circle James’s hole with the tip, just barely breaching him until James is begging, his body strung tight, shaking with need, his fingers grabbing at John’s arm, “Please, please.”

John eventually pulls the toy free and slicks his cock before sliding on a condom. He turns James to his stomach, pushes his leg up and pushes a fingerful of lube into James’s ass, smearing the rest along his own cock. James feels the first dull nudge of John’s cock head and he tries to relax, but he can feel his muscles tensing, John’s cock is so much larger than the toy he’d just been playing with. John starts to push in and pain sears up James’s spine, a hiss of breath into the pillow has John stopping, “James?”

“It’s alright, keep going.” James grits out.

He feels John’s body heat recede, “It’s not.” John turns him over and James’s cock has flagged. Johns slithers down his body, his tongue circling James’s cock, his fingers going back to James’s ass. James groans, the dual sensations bringing him back to full hardness quickly. John comes back to face him, his fingers still working in James’s ass, “Maybe this way instead.”

John kisses him and James feels him rise up, feels the loss of John’s fingers and then John’s cock is once again at his hole and this time the pain is less, a sharp burn, but John’s tongue in his mouth does wonders to create a distraction. He can feel the slow drag of John’s cock, the friction it creates inside him is stronger, harder than any toy and it sends a shiver down his spine. He feels so full, if he’d known it was going to feel this good he wouldn’t have waited.

John strokes his thumb over James’s cheek, “Alright?”

James’s eyes fly open and when he looks at John there is so much naked desire staring back at him that James can barely believe how lucky he is, James’s voice is low, “Don’t stop.” He lifts his face and John kisses him slow and thorough as if staking a claim. His teeth nipping lightly at James’s top lip as he rolls his hips slowly. He rocks back and forth, pulling out and then back in and with each movement James’s feels his body loosening further, pulling John in.

John sits back, pulls James down to him, his hips undulating as he holds James’s legs aloft. His face is a mask of want as he looks down to watch his cock disappearing into James’s body, “You feel so fucking good.” John’s voice is hoarse, thick, his eyes are hot when they look back up to James.

James feels sparks light under his skin as John fucks him slowly. James can’t stop looking at him, his body tensing, muscles clenching as he moves. His head falls back with a moan, his hair falling down his back and he looks like a god to James. His thrusts speed up and James follows his movements, meets him in the middle. John slides his hand under James’s ass, tilts his hips and then James is crying out as John find the perfect spot over and over. James’s body flashes hot, fire licking through him. John’s cock fills him so completely, he’s so thick and heavy. James loves the way it rubs inside him. John’s hand fits between them, his wet fingers dancing over James’s cock, creating a hot channel for him to slide through. John’s fingers flick over the head, squeezing at the base, his nail catching at the slit.

James breaks with a sob, his cock jerking in John’s hand, come shooting up his chest as he tries to breath. James convulses his body arching against John, his fingers digging into John’s hips as John grinds into him, his cock bouncing against the sweet spot inside him making light flash behind James’s eyes. James is dying, he has to be, there is no other explanation for the absolute bliss that takes over his body. He can hear himself keening, a high pitched whine that he’s never made before, his legs lock around John’s body, his own hips pushing up, grinding and pulsing, out of his control, shaking as his breath rattles out of him. He hears John moan, his hips slamming into James hard with hitching little circles, his teeth sunk into James’s pec. James feels him shudder hard before he lifts his head wearing a dopey little smile that makes James laugh. John falls to the side before tying off the condom and throwing it toward the trash can. James is fairly certain it doesn’t make it, but he also doesn't care.

John curls his body into James, wipes his stomach off with the sheet, suddenly laughing.

“What?” James turns his head toward John.

“Bad in bed?” John just continues to laugh, “Fucking bullshit.”

All James can do is shrug.

 

* * *

 

 

_Six months later_

John parks in the driveway and stares up at James’s, their, house, the last box from his condo sitting in the passenger seat. A week ago, in halting sentences, James had asked John to move in. John had been more than happy to say yes. He was spending more time at James’s house than his own these days as it was, so he’d put his condo up for sale and had started packing. John is rather giddy about the thought of making James’s huge eat in kitchen his own. But not tonight. Tonight John has made reservations for the chef’s table at the Capital Grille.

When John walks through the front door he expects James to be at the kitchen table, what he doesn’t expect is to see a towel covering the table littered with the disassembled pieces of a gun. Next to James’s elbow is a small bottle labeled _Gun Oil_ , several rags a few different sized pipe cleaners and handful of q-tips. James looks up from the piece in his hands with a smile, “You’re early.”

John can only nod, his eyes trailing over James’s exposed shoulders and arms. His mouth goes dry as his eyes traces over James’s neck. He’s sitting in nothing but a tight white tank top, the mauve button down he plans to wear tonight hung from one of the other chairs. Hanging over the same chair is his shoulder holster. He’s seen it a hundred times if he’s seen it once, but there’s something about today that makes John shiver. Despite John’s dislike of guns, this entire scene is threatening to short circuit John’s brain with sheer hotness

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be done, then we can go.” James looks back to the slide in his hand, one more swipe with the rag and he puts it back on the towel to pick up the body of the gun. They have plans, serious plans, plans John had to call in favors for, but John is re-considering as he watches the way James’s fingers move over the gun in his hand. He moves the rag along the top of the barrell, he picks up one of the pipe cleaners, gripping it softy before brining the gun closer to his face and then blowing harshly through barrel, following it with swift jabs of the pipe cleaner before putting it back down. He dabs a little bit of oil on one finger and begins rubbing it around the outside of the barrel before picking up a cotton swab and spreading it inside.The veins in the back of his hand are standing out in stark contrast to his pale skin. John wants to run his tongue along each blood filled line. He wants to suck at James’s long, slender fingers.

John swallows thickly, he can feel his cock starting to thicken in his pants. He can’t look away from the play of muscles in James’s forearms as he wipes down each piece. He begins to slot the various pieces back together and the deft, confident way James handles each step of the process has John nixing any outside plans in favor of definitely staying in. Just as James slides the magazine into place with a click, John feels a whimper working its way out of his throat. James’s fingers are slick as they glide along the slide one last time and John can’t help but remember how just this morning they’d been wet and shiny for another reason. James flicks the safety on, pulls his holster from the chair and resheaths the gun before laying it on the table.

When James looks up, John just jerks his head toward the bedroom, turns on his heel and walks quickly through the house. James follows immediately, stopping and leaning against the door frame once he reaches the bedroom, his arms crossed over his chest, his biceps bulging where his hands are pressed under them. He’s so fucking sexy it makes John’s knees weak.

“Christ, just look at you. I hate guns and yet that was the most erotic thing I’ve ever witnessed and right now, I need you to fuck me.” John tosses his pants across the room and leans back against the wall. James advances on him slowly and John can’t help the shiver at the predatory way James’s eyes rake his body.

“Here?” James’s left eyebrow goes up.

“Mmmhmm.” As soon as he’s in range, John reaches out, rubs his palms over James’s biceps, they’re warm and hard under his fingers, “I know you can lift me. I can’t stop thinking about it.” John turns and presents his ass.

Instead of the lube slick fingers he’d been anticipating, he feels James’s hands spreading him open, the ghost of his breath and then the hot press of his tongue. John moans, his knees shaking at the drag of skin on skin. He whimpers, his back arching, his legs widening to give James easier access. He licks over John slowly, like he’s savoring the taste of him. John shivers as James presses against his hole, circling and pushing. James manages to wiggle the tip of his tongue in. John goes up on his toes, his forehead pressed against the wall as he pants. James grabs him around the hips and pulls him back against his face. John feels the rough scrape of James’s beard over his hole and he nearly sobs at the delicious burn of it.

James presses harder, his tongue and lips and teeth all over John’s hole as he fucks John with his tongue, his thumbs holding John open. John whines in the back of his throat, the pleasure going straight to his brain and spidering out to his limbs.

James keeps him there on the tips of his toes for what seems like forever, licking and sucking until John is nearly boneless with pleasure, but as good as it is, it’s not what he needs, “Fuck me, James, please.”

FIngers grip his hips and spin him, James presses him back against the wall as he sucks John’s cock with one long slide of his mouth. James’s eyes look up, locking with John’s, the hunger there is isn’t new or surprising but it’s exhilarating nonetheless. John sees James slicks his fingers and then a hard push and James is sinking two in without preamble. John widens his stance and groans at the burn of it. _Fuck_ , but he loves the feel of James's long fingers inside him. He loves fucking James, loves the way James responds with wonder every time, but John will never get enough of having James’s fat cock splitting him open. He fucking loves it like nothing else. James works him open until John can’t stand it any longer and has to have him.

He pushes James away, “Now.” It’s barely more than a growl but James knows what John needs. He always does. James lifts him, and John holds himself open until he feels the blunt pressure of James’s cock head. He groans, lets his head fall back against the wall, closes his eyes and lets the stinging burn of being filled wash over him. He sinks down one inch at a time, slow and steady until John is so full he feels like he’s going to burst. James’s head is pressed to John’s collarbone, his breath panting down John’s torso. He licks across John’s neck, his lips moving, “You feel so fucking good.”

John whimpers with the first hard thrust. His back scrapes against the wall as James rolls his hips, one slow, grinding pulse after another, his cock thick inside John’s body, rubbing along John’s inner walls making John nearly sob with how good it feels. James’s pace increases in increments until James has him pressed against the wall, his hands holding John’s ass wide open, his cock so fucking deep that John swears he’s choking on it. His forehead is pressed to John’s chest as he watches John’s cock bounce between them. John is so fucking gone, drunk off James’s cock in a way he hasn’t been in too fucking long. James fucks him with hard measured strokes that drive John up the wall. John has never been fucked so thoroughly. James curls his hips, the angle changes and John nearly shouts. He clutches James close, his mouth next to James’s ear, “Yes, daddy, fuck me harder.”

John doesn’t know where it came from and both of them still for several seconds before James growls at him, turns and tosses him onto the bed. There is so much hunger in James’s eyes that it makes John whimper. He turns over and James is behind him in a flash, his cock driving back in, pushing deep and skidding over that sweet spot deep inside that makes John groan. John feels the breath punch out of his lungs as his palms skid across the bedding. He puts his forehead against the sheets, his back arched, ass in the air. _God, yes_ this is exactly what he wanted. John feels his eyes roll into the back of his head as James fucks him hard, his balls slapping against John’s, the obscene sound of their bodies meeting echoing in his ears.

James is grunting behind him interspersed with deep panting groans. Without warning James’s hand lands hard on John’s ass and John jerks, a yelp pushing its way out of his mouth, his cock jerking at the sharp throb of pain in his ass cheek. He shudders hard. James only gives him a second to recover before he’s slapping the other cheek. This time John moans and pushes back into the touch, his elbows giving out, his face pressed to the bed as he begs, “Fuck yes, don’t stop.”

James does it again and again until John is nearly incoherent. The pain radiates into his brain making his entire body tingle, his cock is leaking onto the bed, a small puddle underneath him. All he can do is moan brokenly each time James’s hand comes down. His ass is so sore, it must be bright red by now. James takes his hips in his hands and fucks into him hard and fast, his pelvic bone slamming against the over sensitive skin of his ass and _oh, motherfucking christ_ , he’s going to come. He’s not even going to have to touch his cock, he’s so close already. James reaches under him, bypasses his cock and goes straight for his nipples. He rolls them and then tugs hard and John’s body jerks, his mouth falling open on a silent moan as he comes all over himself, his cock twitching and jetting streaks up onto his chest and down onto the bed. He feels his ass squeeze down on James’s cock.

James lets loose a guttural moan, deep and hoarse, his fingers going to John’s hips, squeezing so hard John thinks he can feel the bones shifting as James grinds into him. John feels him shudder hard, feels James’s cock twitch in his ass before he’s flooded with wet warmth. John lets his body sink down to the bed, too tired to care about the wet spot. James’s body comes down on his, James’s harsh breath skating down his back. James pulls free and drags John over with him to the other side of the bed. His fingers trail down the damp center of John’s chest, swirling in the thin layer of sweat as they both catch their breath. Reaching further he slides his hand under John’s spent cock, his first finger and second finger creating a V around the base. John’s half hard cock lies against the back of James’s hand as his fingers reach further, the tip of his middle finger brushing over John’s hole.

John’s whole body jerks, a soft moan falling from his lips. He’s sated and sleepy but one look at James’s face tells him that he won’t be getting any rest. James’s tongue trails over his neck, down to the dip at the base of his throat, swirling, licking, back up the other side toward John’s ear. He takes the lobe between his teeth and bites before sucking the flesh gently. John groans his body shivering as James says, “You make me feel invincible. As if I’m the best thing you’ve ever had.”

“You are.” John’s voice cracks as James’s finger breaches him. His body rocks down into the touch, still so sensitive but still so desperate for James. John turns his head, his eyes barely open, tilts his face at James. James’s mouth covers his, kisses him slowly, gentle sweep of his tongue along the roof of John’s mouth, tripping over his teeth, licking behind his upper lip before nipping at it as he withdraws. He comes back quickly, one kiss after another, each one wet and deep and so incredibly satisfying that John will never tire of the way James kisses him.

James’s fingers sink deeper and John cries out, ripping his mouth away as his body arches, hips pressing into James’s hand as pleasure spirals through him. John starts to pant, his breath short and choppy as James works him, his body twitching and jumping, restless with need.

“I love the way you react to me.” James bites down his chest, his teeth dragging over John’s nipple. James slides between his legs, and then his tongue is licking at John’s hole. He can feel how wet he is, lube and come trickling out of him and James laps at it like an ice cream cone. God, he’s fucking filthy and John is so fucking in love with him. James eats him with his teeth and tongue, cleaning him out until there’s nothing left but the hot scrape of James’s beard against his skin and the press of James’s tongue into his hole.

John’s feet are scrabbling against the sheets, trying to get purchase to fuck back against James’s face, he’s sweating, breath heaving out of him, his fingers twisted tight in James’s hair as he fucks himself on James’s tongue. He presses his head into the pillow, body bowing, “Your fingers, James please, give me your fingers.” James immediately slides three fingers in quickly with a hard sharp thrust that nearly makes John scream. His mouth moves to John’s balls, sucks both of them into his mouth, laving them with his tongue.

“So good, so good. God, that’s...harder, fuck me, please, fuck me. Make me come.” John’s head thrashes on the pillow, his hair sticking to his face

John whines as he looses James for several seconds and then the blunt hard pressure of his cock is slamming home and John gasps, hisses out a sharp breath and wraps himself around James, “Yes, fuck, don’t stop.”

James fucks him up the bed, their bodies slapping together, the bed banging against the wall as James pants against the side of his head, his hand squeezed between them jerking John’s cock fast and rough. It’s everything John needs and he’s so fucking close already. James rears up, John’s legs in the crooks of his elbows as he pounds home, “Touch yourself.” James chokes out.

John strips his cock fast, his eyes watching the pleasure skate over James’s features, his eyes trained on John’s leaking cock. John squeezes the head, fingers tight, mouth falling open as it build in his stomach, his legs start to shake, his breath catching as he comes over his fist. He clenches down on James and James shouts, his hips going erratic, his rhythm lost completely, just blindly fucking into John, grinding his hips, pressing and rocking as he gasps. John feels the hot, wet spread of James inside him, the glide gets smoother and John hums. James shudders above him, his sides heaving like he’s run a marathon, his arms shaking, sweating dripping from the ends of his hair, “God _damn_.”

John can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up inside him. It forces James’s softening cock out of his body and they both groan. James starts to settle down and then squawks as the sheets stick to him. He smacks John’s hip with the back of his hand, “Come on, quest room, clean sheets.”

Groaning John heaves himself up and follows James to the next room, they’re both asleep in minutes. When James wakes him up three hours later, three fingers deep in John’s ass, John tries to tell him that these are the last set of clean sheets in the house. James just grunts and fucks John into silence.


End file.
